Daddy Builds a Swing Set

DADDY BUILDS A SWING SET

It’s a fine morning to build a swing set, here in the Year of Our Lord 1945.  Glad I took the day off for this little project.  Ought to finish before lunch.

I’m wearing what I always wear for building things, my work shorts and white t-shirt.  (At least I’m not wearing a sleeveless undershirt like Garfinkel.)  Got the iron pipe for the the end triangles, got braces cut to size, got the joints, the chain, the swing seats.  Got my toolbox and my hacksaw.  Could put this in the back yard, but I think the side yard would be better.  It’s a corner lot, right by and I want to see the look on their faces of the guys get off the bus and get a load of THIS. 

I didn’t tell Liberty about this, so she's off in the car with Carolyn and Bertee.  That'll give me time to build my surprise for them.  We have one car.  That's all anybody needs.  'Course, the Watsons on the corner have two cars.  And they give a dime to every single kid who comes trick or treating.  Livin’ the high life right here on Rosewood Street.

Okay.  The pipes are together – that wasn’t too hard.  Heavy, but easy to put together.  Amazing how whistling makes time go by.  Wonder why that is.  After “The Sweetheart of Sigma Chi” and the Penn State alma mater, I’m whistling Beethoven’s “Violin Concerto in ?” – it's a work of genius.  He should have written more than one.  Maybe he decided to quit while he was ahead and move on to symphonies.

Lessee.  That right joint isn’t tight enough.  There!  That’ll hold ‘er till Kingdom Come.  Now for the S-hooks to hold the chains.  Where’s my metal drill?  Here it is.  Just drill through that pipe and run that little X-screw through there to hold the hooks real tight.  Can’t have them give way with my little girls on them.  Drill's going through pretty easy - ouch!  Those little metal splinters can really sting around your eyes. 

 Boy, Liberty and the girls are going to be surprised!  Can’t wait to see their faces when they see how their very own swing set has magically appeared.

This has taken longer than I figured.  Don’t have my watch on, but the sun's getting over into the west.  Getting hungry.  Doesn’t matter.  Like I always say, no point in doing things halfway.  A job begun is half done.  I’ll just drink some water from my thermos here.

Think I’ll go ahead and sand the seats and drill the chain holes.  I’ll be finished pretty soon – no point in waiting.  That way I’ll have everything ready when I get ‘er up and set the legs steady with that cement.  Funny how they SEE-ment down here, and “THEE-ate-er.” 

Wellsir, I believe I’ve got it assembled.  Seats sanded, chains attached.  Put the legs down nice and firm, plant my feet, get under the middle of the top bar, and heave ‘er up.  Here we go!  UNNHH.  UHHNN!   Heavier than I thought, but it’s al…mo…st up ... It’s falling backwards, right toward me!  GodDAMMit! My feet are slipping out from under me.  OOF!

Right across my chest and both arms.  I’m pinned.  I can sort of breathe through my diaphragm but not my chest.  Short breaths. 

Oh, here's a lucky break - there comes Bill Sullivan – just got off the bus.  He glanced over here, but I don’t think he sees me, so I call to him:.

“___________________________________________________________________!”

I’m trying to yell.  Nothing is coming out but a little wheeze.

“___________________________________________________________________!”

Jesus!   I can’t get his attention!   Come on, Bill!  Look over here!  Nope, he’s on his merry way down the block and out of sight. 

It's getting real hot.  I can’t get out from under this thing.  The pipe hurts, the way it’s smashing into my chest.  Here comes the 5:15.  Harry and Jack are always on that one.  Good.  Here they come.  Maybe I can take a little breath. 

I'll just yell “Help!”
“___________________________________________________________________!”

The SOBs are so busy talking to each other, they don’t even see me.  Or care, probably.  But thank the Lord, Jerry is getting off too.  

“_______________________________________________________________!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”                                                                                                                                                             

What’s he so busy looking at?  Why won’t he just look over here?  If he’d just turn his head this way one inch, that’s all I’m asking.  Nope, not him.  Never realized how selfish my neighbors are.

I  hear the car coming up the driveway!  Finally!  Can’t turn my head very far, but I can just barely see the car out of the corner of my eye.  Liberty and the girls are getting out and going straight in the back door. I'll just call to Liberty.

 “______________!”     “___________!”    “_____!”     I'm gasping.  I’m pretty much out of breath.  No noise is coming out.

But I hear footsteps.  My angel Liberty is standing over me, ready to rush for help.  She’s looking down at me with her beautiful eyes.  “Bob dear?  Aren’t you afraid of getting sunburned again?”